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Everyone around me is having the greatest times of their lives. Or good things are happening..

I feel so outside of the world now. I have this hesitant panic attack feeling swelling up in my throat and chest and I want time to stop going forward. But time won’t stop and my chest gets heavier.

I was doing so well. I was eating consistently. I was mentally positive. I was happy and I did good things.

You have shattered me. I lay in bed, losing an hour of sleep rethinking the entire situation. What was said and our reactions. Did I finally lose?

You have manipulated me. You made me cynical and made me twist his arm. I used him and I think it’s a mistake.

You both have dented me. All I want is to be alone at this point, yet one of you will not let that happen. I am forever tied to you and my own personal freedom has been shackled since I moved out.

I am not happy.
I am not even the same person I thought I was. I lost my identity. I lost my way in life. I have given up on letting down that wall I built over the years against people.

I just want to be alone. I want my choices back. I want my freedom back. I really want myself back.

I hate Egoraptor. Please stop doing everything. Everything.

 

(Source: zerocharacter, via moechae)